Somehow or other, JoyBoy and I have managed to pool our genes and come up with someone magical. Her name is Anabel and if you've read this blog for any time at all, you've met her before. She's always been highly intelligent and unusually kind, but in the last year, another amazing quality in her young life has come to light, dazzling in its eccentric, unexpected brightness. In the very midst of 14-year-old peers, clad head to toe in clothes trumpeting name brands out to all of Middle School Land, walks Anabel. She's wearing an apron. She's not in Home Economics or headed for some messy Science lab. She flaunts its yellow ginghamyness for the sheer, unconventional joy of it. Other days, she wears her beloved Daddy's cast off XL teeshirts, which say bold things like Field Agent, John Deere across their fronts. Only for the Anabel version, she makes them strapless, pushing her narrow little ribcage through the Daddy-sized neck holes. She pushes the man-sized sleeves inside themselves, serving as pseudo-pockets. All of this she wears over tights and a teeshirt of her own size. The flourish (as though it were needed) is a thick black satin ribbon encircling her ribcage, tied in a confident and oversized bow. Ah. My Girl. I look forward to seeing her enter the kitchen each morning for breakfast. I know there is a surprise in wait for my viewing pleasure. Colors - flamboyant brazen colors - are her dear friends. She prides herself on the exploration of absolute virgin territory in the realm of clothes and fashion. On Superhero Day at school, her eye-makeup was completely different from one eye to the other. She looked fantastic. I think I've mentioned the tunic adorned in masses of pinkly enthusiastic pigs. Her favorite place to shop is Value Village because that's where you can find the most extraordinary things. I can assure you that there are not masses of like-minded 14-year-olds flocking to the same ensembles - the gigantic multicolored ponchos, the faux fur time-worn old coats - rushing to see who can get to them first. She is a fashion law unto herself.
I love to goad her into wearing styles I love, but am not prepared to don for myself at this age. Frankly, there is very little goading involved and the deliciousness of the prospect of a brand-new outfit rockets straight to her head, rendering her nearly exhilarated.
A lovely, gentle-souled teacher put her arm around Anabel's waist at school one day and said, Now tell me all about your outfit today, Anabel. Anabel proceeded to do so with great enthusiasm and then laughed as she told the story to us at home later on. She's so whole.
I think that some of the seeds of this new passion of hers have sprouted because of the years of uniform dressing that have been her lot up until this year. She hated the sameness that she and her peers had no voice in establishing. Though rebellious isn't a word that leaps to mind as I think of her, she would try to sneak a colorful tank top under her uniform top back in the monotonous day, just for that heady flash of color. Her fingernails were almost always glitzily decorated. She did what she could to get by and not feel squashed. Individualism means a great deal to my first-born girl.
Anabel marches to the beat of her own drummer, and fortunately for us as parents - for she would be a formidable force to contend with otherwise - we really like the beat we hear resonating through her young life. It's so distinctive and so very, very Anabel.
Anabel would momentarily cringe if she saw my gleeful use of the word 'teenybopper' in reference to her sweet self. I remind myself of my Dad in the way that I find delicious the act of feigning to use the teen lingo, but doing so incorrectly on purpose. She seems quite a bit more whole than I felt at that age, but I can tell that this newfound little guilty joy of mine still stretches her a bit. Unfortunately, though, she's adapting quickly and the JoyBoy and I are having to be extra creative in keeping it fresh.
Just the other day, when JoyBoy began to dance in front of Anabel and her 14-year-old friend in our kitchen, we were discouraged/encouraged to see her immediately join in. Healthy for her, yes, but deflating for the parent who was giddily seeking the teenaged cringes. Here are - for your viewing pleasure - some shots of some real, live dancing. The afro features prominently, as I'm sure I don't need to point out.
Jude asked that I post this. Immediately. It's actually pretty fantastic. Check it out and see what's huge in the 11-year-old boy crowd.
Look what Anabel went ahead and did to herself!
She's the last one of our brood one would expect to dislocate an elbow, and yet sure enough, that's precisely what happened. You sort of think you're home-free when they become teenagers and still haven't broken anything, and yet one quick peek at this ghastly monstrosity of an elbow is enough to indicate how other-than-home-free we actually are.
She was home alone, babysitting her youngest brother when it all shook down. In one of my more shaming moments as a parent, I chatted away obliviously with neighborhood parents as I picked up Jude and Lucy from their respective playdates. And here's the shame part: I'd left my cellphone at home, thinking I'd only be 15 minutes or so. And I took my sweet time, let me tell you. I didn't drive, I walked. And slowly. Meandering my way through the novel Springtime heat with my Ipod lulling me into a sun and acoustic music mixed stupor. I relished the alone-ness and I stopped to breathe the lilac infused air around me more than once. When I think of it, I feel a renewed anger at myself. While I tracked the progress of butterflies, Anabel was calling around frantically, trying to locate either one of her absentee parents, all the time trying to keep her yelps to a minimum as her little brother watched with fear in his big brown eyes. I'm sure as he looked at her arm that looked a backwards picture of what it was supposed to be, elbow bump now on the inside of her forearm, he felt some trepidation.
She finally got her Dad's receptionist (his own cell phone had been turned off), who proceeded to interrupt him from the meeting he was in. He was home in relatively short order and got her quickly to the ER. It's all good. The doctor there (with the aid of two male nurses) wrenched her elbow back where it belonged after having knocked her out with the same drugs that Michael Jackson was so infamously addicted to. The only glitch is that she tried to bite one of them, which made me feel sort of proud. My girl. Unconscious and biting at the burly men she perceived were hurting her. I love that kid and her elbow to bits.
Pen and Ink drawing from nanlawson.etsy.com
Anabel is not long for the world of Pre-Teen. I find that I can hardly believe it, cliche or not. She'll be 13 in April and because she's our first-born, when I stop to really dwell on it, I can work myself into a quite a tizzy.
She's our 'practice' kid. She's the one who we think we have to be perfectly consistent with. We're scared we might ruin her otherwise. We are least lenient with her, though she's without question the most responsible. We have the highest of high standards for her. And she consistently lives up to them and in fact, raises the bar time and time again. But every now and then, the first-born in me revolts just a little over all this. Of course, the way we parent her creates a prototypical firstborn and she wouldn't be Anabel without it all, but sometimes I wish the world could be a little less exacting for her sake. Sometimes I wish she would come home with a B+, or even a B. I think it would be healthy for her to see that life doesn't hinge on one's sustained perfection. I think that for her to make a colossal Blunder (capital B) might not be the worst thing in the world for her, so long as it doesn't involve me housing and parenting a newborn belonging to her and some Idiot Boy, around whom I'll grit my teeth and try never to refer to as such (o I pray this theoretical boy stays far, far away from me and mine). Maybe Anabel would see then that her worth doesn't depend on her performance.
So clearly though, she wouldn't be Anabel without the precise environment she's been raised in. And she's so perfectly, greenly herself. She's awash in a world of calm competence, almost as though she's underwater in a perfect, green world where serenity surrounds and permeates everything. Her fair skin - in sharp contrast to the brown, brown skins of her siblings - looks like its origins are translucently submarine. She glides through life, making everything look effortless and even elegant. Sometimes though, she limits herself in the things she'll try, as she likes to know beforehand that she'll be gracefully perfect. I like to lend her my clothes and jewelry as they look so beautiful on her; feasting my eyes on my own clothes folding around my daughter's perfect little (but not so little anymore) body brings me far more joy than owning these items for my own sake.
I always wondered how it would feel as an aging mother, to watch as one's daughter grew to be more beautiful and better in ways the World values than oneself. The One ebbs while the Other flows. I used to wonder if felt like a stabbing pain or more like a dull, under-the-skin ache that doesn't subside. The growing obsoleteness of the woman seemed pitiful to me before I became her. And now that life unfurls to find me here, this very woman, I'm reminded of Jesus' words in John 3:30. They say, "He must become greater; I must become less," and I'm surprised by the joy they bring in their wake. To see the world receive my Little Love so beautifully, so enthusiastically even, makes me feel a deep happiness. I see so clearly now that it's not either/or. It's both and all and everything all at once.
OK, so that title is mainly melodrama. If you know me at all, you know that I love to jazz up a story. Stories are stories and so a little hyperbole goes a long way, to my way of thinking. Fortunately, the JoyBoy is resoundingly with me on this, so we are the perfect audience for one another's story shenanigans. Suffice it to say, you've been forewarned. Take what follows with a grain of salt:
Today Anabel and I spent the morning at the dentist's for round two of molar removal in preparation for her braces, which are soon to follow. I'm all for uglification when it comes to beautiful little girls on the very cusp of adolescence. Plus there's the straight teeth to be taken into account, but really, the uglification is my main focus just now. So, we spent our time and another nearly $300 having two molars extracted. As we made our way up to the dentist's third story office, we went back to back and realized to Anabel's triumphant delight that she's very nearly my height now. At the ripe old age of 12, I might add. (As a life-long shorty who actually had relatives in the early days of her development suspect she might be a Little Person, I've always hoped that my children would far exceed me in the height department and so to see it come to pass is quite a thrill for us both.) So we were ushered right in, which is good, as it minimized the wait-time full of trepidation. And since we were here just last week doing the very same thing, trepidation there was. We dropped Oliver off in the Thomas-the-Tank-Engine wait area, where he immediately gaped in wonder at the television on the ceiling. First off, it was a television. Second, it was on the ceiling. For a boy who's only ever seen about 25 library DVD's in all of their scratched glory, he was spellbound. I knew then that I could focus my primary attentions on the Eldest. And when one's Youngest is a closet world dictator and/or leader (let's keep our fingers crossed!) named Oliver, that peace of mind really means something.
Our beloved dentist (He really is beloved. I didn't know there could be such a thing before we found him.) gave Anabel a disconcerting number of injections in order to numb her impending doom. From his repeated way of doing so, I had to wonder if maybe she wasn't requiring a bit more than the average child of that age. She was finally appropriately insensible to the pain that was soon to be and the dentist used a series of three different tools to wrench those enormous molars out of her jaw. They really are enormous. Before Anabel's braces prep, I'd never seen a molar with root intact. You can hardly believe it. The roots are larger than the molar itself and that's pretty impressive. So for all her trouble, she got to take these magnificent little nuggets along. If it were me, I'd be proudly displaying them to all mankind, but Anabel is - and always has been - more discreet and modest than I. She'll probably show three or four close girlfriends and be done with it. And now next month - braces. I'll keep you posted.
A little group of some friends of mine were gracious to me and held a mini-birthday party last night in my honor. As I looked at them, laughing and competing aggressively to talk, I felt the value of adult friendship. It's so different from the days of old, where the catty girlfriends skulked in eager anticipation for opportunities to triumph over you, ideally hurting you in the process. But doing so, of course, in such a way that you'd never have anything tangible to point at in confrontation. They'd feign ignorance if you ever were so bold, and somehow manage to imply that you were thin-skinned and emotional. I'm so relieved to not be fifteen anymore. These new Lovelies in my life are whole, secure, eager to celebrate the successes of others and so, so pretty. I'm a lucky girl.